新東方網>沈陽新東方學校>留學資訊>托福>正文

【托?!孔魑模荷疃确治龈叻謱懽鞯年P鍵要素

2019-03-18 16:26

來源:

作者:小編

沈陽新東方為您帶來托福英語知識點大全,希望對大家有所幫助 


考過托福的人知道,閱讀聽力滿分易,口語寫作滿分難。那么問題來了,怎么樣才能獲得托??脊僭谥饔^題部分的青睞?小編以托福寫作為例,拋磚引玉,讓大家從一個不同的角度思考。

  下面給大家看一位寫作21分的同學寫的獨立作文,這是新東方首考班寫作真題中的一篇習作。附上老師對這篇作文的批(吐)改(槽),已更正部分低級拼寫錯誤,其他原文呈現。

  獨立作文題目

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Students now are more interested in politics than those in the past.

  With the globalization of the whole world(萬能開頭稍顯弱,還有whole world這種畫蛇添足的詞匯,難道后面要分part world寫?), politics are playing a more important role nowadays, both domestically and internationally. Thus, I agree that students have more interests in this area than those in the past for two reasons.

  First, the advanced technology, such as high-speed Internet, multi-media and smart mobile phone(什么是smart mobile phone,難道有smart phone不能mobile嗎?), allows more students access to the politics events. The technology lay an essential foundament(是foundation吧) for students to keep in touch with those activities. For example, the presidency competition between Hiliton and Trump is getting more dramatic. Lots students(Lots是敗筆) would watch the TV argument between them by phone, portable computer(什么是portable computer,專業一點就是laptop和ipad吧) and so on(等等等等……考官看中國考生文章會出現無數so on,審美疲勞有沒有). They could even(上下句之間有even的遞進關系嗎,不明顯) watch the live program as they are waiting for a bus, share their opinions on the internet while they are in the washroom and hear the speech in their car driving home. Therefore, the convincing efficiency and entertainment attract more and more(這篇作文good肯定是沒戲了) students to focus on this politic event. However, students in the past even don't know how to watch the program(神轉折,腦子里想的和表達出來的完全不是一個意思,過去的孩子怎么就不知道看電視節目了!他們又不是弱智!是沒電視節目看!是沒方便的途徑!是However, students in the past lack the plentiful sources to approach politics compared with their counterparts nowadays的意思對伐).

  Moreover, the more open, transparent and friendly(堆這么多形容詞……哎!請注意言之有物!) politic atmosphere provide a great chance for modern students to got involved(時態錯了) in these politic activities. Take China for an example(有這種慣用表達嗎,我們不是莎士比亞), students beyond 18 years old have the right to vote for political members, like chairman of the students union, which were used to be nominated by school in the past without permitting students to decide who they support and are supposed to be chairman(親,這么長一句話知道自己在寫什么嗎?扣分句). This right just inspire the student to choose their own president(這么草草收尾,這論證有點意識流啊!).

  In a conclusion, the advanced equipments and the openess to ordinary studentsthe bring more students to join in the politic events(這什么意思?什么叫openess to ordinary students?難道還有special students?是不是想說More students are willing to talk about even participate in political events by the help of advanced technologies and increasing civic attitudes toward politics.).

  (計時寫作,全文274詞)

  這篇習作拿到托??荚囍?,很難達到GOOD要求,通俗講就是 " 親,不談論證邏輯,不扯思維深度,就是語言,哥讀的有點累啊,有地方要腦補啊,很多句子連不上啊!"

  那么一篇good標準的獨立文章長什么樣?還是以該題目為例,不改變上文的立場,不顛覆上文邏輯,盡量保持思維角度的一致性,僅從語言和論證嚴謹度來修改一下,計時創作一篇。

  An intriguing phenomenon occurring on and around campus nowadays is that students are more interested in politics than ever before. It is frequent to hear students talking about Obama Care or the latest Presidential Campaign in the United States when dinning in the cafeteria ,say like, Havard or MIT nowadays.

  To elaborate, technological advancements improve the readiness of politic access. In the past, society communicates in the form of letters, newspapers and radios with comparatively low efficiency and little convenience. For example, huge political events in China like the escape of once vice-president Lin Biao would not have gotten the attention of American students until many days even weeks later after VOA or CNN have broadcasted it. Even those American students have noticed the incredible political event from newspaper or radio, they have no source to check all the details from Chinese students or friends due to the information barrier between the two countries. In addition, students in the past only shape their perspectives on a political event through authority publications, causing bias in viewing the issue. However, students today can capture every piece of information, political and non-political, just at the time it goes on even on the other side of the globe and receive multiply sources of opinions from government perspective to public statements by the help of the internet, the invention of smart phones and other mobile devices, thanks to the advancement of multi-media technology. These new equipments connecting by the internet makes a strong and close relationship -- "Information Globalization"-- which shattered info barriers and make even the tiniest voice matter. For example, recently in China there is a breaking news that the wife of ChongQing city's mayor, Bo Gukailai, has been prosecuted for causing the death of a British businessman in Beijing. In the past, these "higher class" news will be soon concealed by authorities. But now, students from all over the country can learn about the event only a few hours after "rumors" spread quickly through Wechat or Weibo which left no room for public authority to "hide" any truth but to make a formal announcement and explain the situation.

  Also, the spirit of democracy is indeed growing its power not only in developed countries like US but also in developing countries like China even in undeveloped areas. Chinese students are under great supervision and monitoring in the past. As a result, college students are not permitted to talk about political figures or discuss central government policies. Of course, you can "whisper" in the dark, but you know the influence for that. But now, students are free to claim their thoughts about anything and everything even expressing very extreme ideas about politics on the internet just by click a "send" button in Wechat or any similar social APP. At least from what I know, nobody is getting arrested by talking or discussing politics which is so called "the forbidden zone" in the past.

  Admittedly, students in schools have little social experiences and usually come up with unrealistic conclusions or solutions about social problems or political events. But it doesn't hurt much to allow students to show bigger interest about it. After all, who rules the next century is always an issue of time, so encouraging students to enroll and learn politics is probably a question of "sooner rather than later" which might be a better way to look at it.

  (計時寫作,全文556詞)

  當我們回頭去思考托福寫作如何獲得高分滿分的時候?

  Is it about the template you would use in test? Is it about fancy words you paraphrase in article? Or is it about something meaningful with correct vocabulary and precise expression throughout the writing? In a word, make sure what you've written MAKES SENSE and let the scorer feel EFFORTLESSwhen glimpsing it through!

  高分寫作不完全靠背模板,也不完全是抄范文(當然這些都有幫助),真正的高分滿分托福作文要 " 多讀書多看報少吃零食多睡覺 "。

  寫作和口語不能閉門造車瞎逼練,否則會永遠犯同樣的錯誤,建議各位考生要么背誦地道的英文詞句表達,要么找托??谡Z寫作老師陪練(主要是修改習作),這些反饋可能比寫多少“機經”都重要,至少節省鉆進死胡同重復犯錯的時間!

更多托福英語學習資料,可以打開我們【沈陽新東方】沈陽新東方歡迎各位同學家長的瀏覽和學習

新東方沈陽學校官方微信:(微信號:xdfhhr123

最新報班優惠、課程大綱及課件,請掃描二維碼,關注我們的官方微信!

焦點推薦

版權及免責聲明

凡本網注明"稿件來源:新東方"的所有文字、圖片和音視頻稿件,版權均屬新東方教育科技集團(含本網和新東方網) 所有,任何媒體、網站或個人未經本網協議授權不得轉載、鏈接、轉貼或以其他任何方式復制、發表。已經本網協議授權的媒體、網站,在下載使用時必須注明"稿件來源:新東方",違者本網將依法追究法律責任。

本網未注明"稿件來源:新東方"的文/圖等稿件均為轉載稿,本網轉載僅基于傳遞更多信息之目的,并不意味著贊同轉載稿的觀點或證實其內容的真實性。如其他媒體、網站或個人從本網下載使用,必須保留本網注明的"稿件來源",并自負版權等法律責任。如擅自篡改為"稿件來源:新東方",本網將依法追究法律責任。

如本網轉載稿涉及版權等問題,請作者見稿后在兩周內速來電與新東方網聯系,電話:010-60908555。

免費申請學習規劃

已為29471位學員提供學習規劃

*驗證碼

*短信驗證碼

400-024-0009

在線咨詢

av导航第一福利网_亚洲精品笫一国产综合_澳门永久av免费网站